DEATH BATTLE! - Green Goblin VS The Joker- Fight

Alright, the combatants are set, let’s end this debate once and for all. It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!

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The silence of the night was completely destroyed as an explosion echoed through practically the whole of New York. The wall of the bank of New York was blasted to pieces, revealing two figures with almost comically large sacks of cash. Harley Quinn and the Joker.

“Why’d we have to go to different city to rob a bank, Mistah J?” Harley asked as the two began to walk away from the bank casually.

“Because, Harley. Unlike Ol’ Batsy, we don’t have a seemingly never-ending budget for our toys. And why stay in Gotham when there’s so many other places to leave in ruin?” Joker replied with amusement.

“Because, this place is spoken for already!” A voice called out from above the two. They looked up to see a man being held aloft by a metallic, bat-shaped glider. The man was dressed as some kind of goblin. A Green Goblin. Joker simply looked at the man and began to laugh.

“Ahahahaha!! No, wait! Let me guess! ‘The Emerald Elf’?” The Joker asked, voice full of amusement. Goblin simply laughed back.

“Me? I’m just a concerned citizen looking to clean up our fair city! Starting with you!” Goblin replied. Joker chuckled as he threw his bag of cash to Harley, causing her to barely catch it and stumble as she did.

“Back to the van, Harley. Looks like I have to deal with Mr Green and Gruesome here.” Joker instructed. Harley immediately took on an expression of worry.

“But, Puddin’…” Harley said weakly. In response, Joker swung his arm and slapped Harley across the face, causing her to nearly drop the sacks.

“Go! No one likes a third wheel.” Joker said angrily, causing Harley to sulk and slowly walk away with tears in her eyes. Goblin simply stared at the two as Joker prepared to fight.

“…Okay, even to me, that seemed kinda messed up. And I’m the Green Goblin.” Goblin said, completely serious. Before making his glider descend and got into a fighting stance of his own.

FIGHT!

Wasting no time, Goblin began to charge forward on his glider as Joker pulled a crowbar from his jacket. Goblin rammed into Joker using his glider, but Joker managed to hook onto the contraption using his crowbar as a hook. Before Goblin could notice his passenger, he pulled up, zooming upward towards the sky. Climbing onto the glider, Joker got his knees and swung the crowbar at Goblin. Goblin managed to catch the crowbar and the two began to struggle against each other’s strength, pushing against the crowbar as Joker hooked his leg around Goblin’s to give him some grip on the glider.

“Looks like I’m taking you for a ride!” Goblin joked as he cackled as he began to pilot the glider lower to the ground. Joker simply removed one of his hands from the crowbar and gripped Goblin’s wrist tightly.

“Really? Well, you’re in for a shock!” Joker cackled as he activated his joybuzzer, shocking Goblin’s entire body. The jerking movements threw Goblin off balance, causing the glider to lose its equilibrium, sending it careening back into the bank. The duo smashed through a window, into the empty bank and slammed unceremoniously to the ground. The two came flying off of the glider and rolled along the ground until coming to a slow stop. After he stopped rolling, Goblin quickly got back to his feet and noticed that his glider had landed in the corner of the room. But, what’s more, his opponent had landed between him and it. Speaking of his opponent, Joker groaned lightly as he got back to his feet also. Joker turned his gaze to Goblin and pulled a deck of cards from his inside pocket.

“Pick a card. Any card!” Joker yelled as he began to throw the cards as projectiles at a rapid pace. Goblin had little trouble dodging them as he began to run closer to Joker, but as stopped in his tracks when he failed to dodge a card and it embedded itself into his right shoulder. Caught off guard, Goblin failed to dodge a second card hitting him in the leg. Goblin quickly pulled them out of his flesh to see that they were a King of Diamonds and an Ace of Spades.

“21! I win!” Joker cackled as he through one last card, aiming at Goblin’s face. Goblin saw that one coming, however. He reached into his satchel and removed a razor-bat. Goblin threw it at the flying card with as much precision as he could muster. The two projectiles met… and the card was cut into two, causing the Joker to blanch and quickly duck under the bat before it could cut a bigger smile into his face.

“Looks like you didn’t make the cut!” Goblin taunted, retrieving two more razor-bats from his satchel and throwing them at Joker. Joker quickly rolled out of the way of the bats’ path only to feel something brush against his hand as he landed. He looked to the ground to see his crowbar right next to him. Joker giggled as he took the metal weapon in hand and took to his feet again.

“Maybe I need more bang for my buck.” Goblin joked as he reached into his bag of tricks and removed a Pumpkin Bomb. Priming the explosive, he prepared to throw it as Joker adopted the stance of a baseball batter.

“Coming up to bat, it’s Mister J of the Gotham Clowns, Gobby-Poo prepares a fast one and…!” Joker began to imitate a baseball sports announcer just as Goblin threw the Pumpkin Bomb. Only for Joker to swing the crowbar and send the bomb flying, Goblin’s gaze on the bomb as it flew.

“...It’s outta here!” Joker finished as he charged while Goblin was distracted. Joker slammed the crowbar into Goblin’s face, sending him flying backwards, just as the Pumpkin Bomb exploded by the ceiling, sending a chunk of the ceiling right on top of Goblin’s head. Joker chuckled lightly as he began to walk away, the crowbar lazily slung over his shoulder.

“Looks like you really bombed this one, Greeny.” Joker taunted. However, when the sound of rustling stone filled the air behind him, Joker stopped. He turned to see the chunk of the ceiling being moved by something below it. After shifting the chunk, Goblin got back to his feet and cracked some of his joints.

“Nah. I really brought the house down with that one.” Goblin taunted back. Joker actually scowled as he put his crowbar away and pulled a revolver out of his pocket and aimed it at Goblin. Goblin, in response, looked somewhat underwhelmed.

“A gun? Kinda mundane, don’t you think?” Goblin asked, causing Joker to shrug and smile again.

“Worth a shot.” Joker replied, firing the gun… to reveal a flag with the word ‘Bang!’ on it. Joker looked at it and groaned.

“Y’know, I really should label these. ‘Real Gun’ ‘Joke Gun’, wouldn’t be that hard. Oh, well.” Joker mumbled to himself before firing the gun again, shooting the flag at Goblin, who simply blanched at the incoming projectile. Hitting the same place in his shoulder that one of the cards had, Goblin painfully pulled it out, groaning in pain as he did so.

“Okay, now I’m mad.” Goblin said as he steadied himself again, only to see Joker right in front of him with an aerosol can. Before Goblin could react, Joker sprayed the can right in his face. Joker began to cackle maniacally as the Joker Venom began to do its job. Another sound began to fill the air besides Joker’s laughter. More laughter. Goblin’s laughter. After a few seconds, Goblin began to howl in laughter as Joker unsheathed his crowbar again and knocked Goblin to the ground and smacking him repeatedly with it. Goblin continue to laugh softly, as Joker stopped the beating for a moment to stroke the crowbar softly.

“Ah, memories. Any last words, ‘Green, Purple and Red all over’?” Joker taunted as he held his crowbar high, ready to continue the beating. Goblin finally stopped laughing, but kept his wide smile.

“Gotcha.” Goblin replied simply. Joker paused for a moment in confusion before a noise caught his attention. Before Joker could react, Goblin’s glider careened into Joker, impaling him before pinning him to the far wall, his blood beginning to seep out and run down the wall and glider. Joker began to gasp in shock as he began to struggle to try to free himself. Goblin simply walked up to Joker and left four Pumpkin Bombs by his feet.

“The joke’s on you, friend.” Goblin taunted darkly as he primed the bombs and ran from the building as quickly as he could. Joker continued to struggle against the glider, trying to free himself, but was cut off by a bright flash of light. And a deafening explosion. Goblin dived from the outside of the bank, the force of the explosion knocking him over. Goblin finally looked back to see a section of the bank in a burning, destroyed ruin. Before he laughed. Laughed harder than he had in a long time. No-one beats the Green Goblin.

K.O!

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Both of these combatants have extensive arsenals and both are unpredictable enough to catch each other off-guard, but Goblin holds a number of advantages, the most notable being completely physically superior to Joker. Joker is simply not superhuman enough to overpower Green Goblin. The only other thing to really consider are their arsenals. While Joker could potentially dodge any projectile thrown at him, he has no true counters for any of Goblin’s arsenal. Joker may be immune to Joker Toxin, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s immune to Goblin’s gasses. But, even if he is, Goblin’s explosives would definitely eventually put Joker down if he landed enough hits. Goblin on the other hand has more than enough means to survive Joker’s arsenal for longer than Joker could survive Goblin’s. With Goblin’s superior natural durability, mobility and speed, he can dodge, survive or outmanoeuvre any weapon the Joker could use on him. The only weapon that could potentially work would be the Joker Toxin as there is no guarantee that Goblin is immune to it. However, with no way to get the liquid into Goblin’s system, Joker would have to rely on its gaseous form. But, Goblin has a gas mask built into his mask. That’s going to keep the Toxin out. With nothing else, Joker could only delay the inevitable.

So, let’s review:
Strength: GOBLIN (Despite Joker being able to match and sometimes overpower Batman, whilst under the effects of the Goblin Formula, Osbourne can lift up to 10 tons and has fought with Spider-Man, who is physically stronger than Batman)

Speed: TIE (While it could be argued that Goblin is faster on his feet and with his glider, Joker is fast enough to react to anything that Goblin can do, but likely not quick enough to match Goblin’s speed)

Durability: GOBLIN (While Joker has an almost unnatural tolerance for pain, he would still take damage as easily as anyone else, while Goblin is said to have greater endurance and enhanced healing. While it’s nowhere near the level of Wolverine or Deadpool, it’s still better than Joker’s endurance. Not to mention that Goblin’s armour provides more protection than Joker’s suit.)

Versatility/Weaponry: GOBLIN (Both have some weapons that trump their opponent’s such as Joker’s acid flower having no counter and his joybuzzer trumping Goblin’s electric gloves. However, Goblin’s arsenal is more inherently destructive and Goblin himself counters more of Joker’s arsenal than Joker does Goblin’s. Even the Joker Toxin, Joker’s normal ace in the hole, is countered by Goblin’s gas filter in his mask. While he wears it to protect himself from his own gas attacks, it unintentionally counters Joker’s most valuable weapon.

Experience: TIE (While Joker has an incredibly high kill count and has been fighting Batman longer than any other villain, Goblin has plenty of experience fighting Spider-Man and even more when he was Iron Patriot. I, personally cannot discern them, some I’m leaving it as a draw.)

Joker may be more cunning and even possibly better at fighting than Goblin, but it isn’t by much and Goblin still physically outclasses Joker. Include a superior arsenal, and Joker’s at a disadvantage that not even his creative mind could get him out of.

Looks like Green Goblin got the last laugh.

VERDICT: The winner is Green Goblin.

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NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE!

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Doctors…

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Psychopaths (I do a lot of those, don’t I?)

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Psychiatrist

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Surgeon

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The Chesapeake Ripper VS The Mercenary of Medicine

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Hannibal Lecter VS The Medic